the old Joe

its been too long

Before I even begin with my story I need to apologise for neglecting this venue, I wont make allot of excuses but I did recently spend a week puking among other things. Anyway I do have a story to tell but in order to do that I need to tell you the back story, at least a short version of. Well here goes folks, when I was ten months old I was diagnosed with a real rare blood disease, so rare in fact one in every several million get it. But as it happened there were two other kids about my age that got it at almost the exact same time, and I live in a small to medium size town at best so yeah you do those numbers like I did, it doesn't add up does it, impossible isn't it. Yeah thats what I got too.But as the story continues the boy did not make it, he died and the girl went deaf, so I guess you could say that i was the lucky one. As I grew up my kidneys stayed very small, so by the time I was eight I was so sick that My family took me to Herman hospital in Houston which in time became a second home to me. Not long after I got there I had to begin hemo dialysis and did that for several months when finally it was discovered that my father was a possible donor and not long after that I had my first kidney transplant from my father.After that I had several good years but quite a few rejections and then it did completely fail and they had to take it out. I wont bore you with everything leading up to present day but I will say lots of small surgeries and two or three big ones, bottom line pain and lots of it. I told you all that group in order to tell you this. I am presently on peritoneal dialysis and I like it much better than hemo dialysis (no needles) even on peritoneal you have to be careful because if you are not exceptionally clean and hook up correctly you can get peritonitis, I have had this four times and it really feels like someone is kicking you in the stomach as hard as they can over and over again. I have heard that people have died just having this stuff once so I figure all in all if you wanted to put it in cat terms I have spent seven lives, so I guess it is time to start being real careful. Now for the good part of the story kiddies.I have to order my dialysis solution every two weeks from a company called Baxter and I have been doing this for quite some time now, and I speak to the same person every time I call in.Her name is Nicole and I don't go overboard by saying that on the phone she is the sweetest most efficient person you could ever want to talk to on a business call.Well as an added bonus the guy that delivers my supplies every time MIke ( Mike is a stocky fellow with a big goatee and he shaves his head razor smooth, bottom line he looks like the type of guy you would not want to piss off in a dark ally but the truth is he is one of the nicest most friendly guys you could ever hope to meet.) told me that in a few weeks Baxter was going to be sending some of the employees out to meet the patients and the nursing staff. So the company flew Nicole from Chicago to here and she was going to meet a few of us patients, well that day my best friend Darrel happened to be here and there was a knock on the door and inn walks Mike sans delivery.And he said Joe I have a surprise for ya buddy and in walked Nicole, I was so happy to meet her after speaking to her for so often so long. I introduced Darrel to everyone and it was wonderful because Nicole seemed so at ease and just very comfortable, we talked about all kinds of stuff it even turned out she was into tattoos, she has a wonderful Celtic piece on her lower back. So of course I had to show her the majority of mine, because as we all know body art is right down Joes ally. Then my friend Darrel had a great idea, people sign my wall and he said since she is a friend I should have her sign the wall and I could not agree more so she did and that was cool and as an added bonus Mike took a picture of us that with any luck she will mail me a copy of. When all was said and done and the smoke had cleared Darrel said you know Joe that is amazing, companies just don't do cool things like that, something like that helps restore my faith in humanity.The only thing I could say was me too buddy, me too.

Now playing: Bon Jovi - Always

My Life Lately

 I can sum things up pretty quick about lately. I'm tired. I have this buddy that had a problem and needed a place for the weekend and maybe a couple of days longer.Well I said come on and stay as long as we can stretch this out and that will give you time to figure shit out and make your next move. It is late Wednesday night, we stay up late watching movies and bullshitting.But I gotta level with you folks, my ass is dragging. Of course his is too he does not have super powers either. But all in all I would not have taken anything for the time though, he and his friend are good company.

Now playing: Bon Jovi - Bed of Roses

No Surprise

Infectious Insanity!: "The MaDShow will be covering the presidential debates tonight live on RantRadio. Thats right. Press credentials, baby. Mark's gonna be there in Florida live and I will be joining him online in a voice conference. Those who hear this and remember the VMAs may be surprised tonight. Hell, if it works this time even I'll be surprised. Here's to hope. Tune in!"

I was privy to the presidential debates and the expected mudslinging was not the most Heinous thing that happened, the true travesty rests squarely at the feet of the Mark and Darrell show. I can only hang my head in shame. They actually failed (again) to broadcast and comment on the debate between these two great men.

the Nails were scattered

Nine Inch Nails had nearly finished recording thier latest album when they decided to pack up and head home. A decision that would end up seeing the van and all its contents meeting the Arizona sand in a truly unpleasant way as the van rolled to a tumultuous stop. On a personal note I hope this does not postpone the new album.

new music

So my favorite band Nine Inch Nails is on the war path again with a  new album soon to be burning up the charts.The new album Bleed through is set to hit SOON. And o a personal note after the Fragile I cannot wait to hear what Reznor is serving up next, if it can even come close to matching the angst of Pretty Hate Machine and the heart of the Fragile I will have a ten foot erection with a cheese burger on the end.

trent

Crow Pic

sometheing, yet I don't know

Today has started off both unusual and yet completly without incident. I would give all of the money that I don't have to be able to proces this feelling that I have. It is both a feelling of urgency like I am  supposed to be doing something else and a feelling of impending doom. And yet both of them are for no reason and completly without merrit. I hope. I have not been sleeping very well and even when I do am plagued with bizarre and usually nightmarish dreams, perhaps this is where these new and certainly unwelcome feellings are raising thier head from.Do you remember dear reader being young and Saturday being your favorite day of the week because you could get up early and have your bowl of Fruit Loops,or what have you in front of the TV while the Saturday morning cartoons took you to all those places you wanted to go to so much, and when you were done if you wanted to you could usually sneak in a nap with your folks if they were not up yet themselves.God, I miss those days.Both the simplicity of them and the childlike innocence.

if only for an instant

  Till the death of night subsides. I cannot stop the sounds of loneliness, breaking and beating at the door. I Curl in on myself for the idea of touch.nothing sates me till the blessed blackness of sleep. And somewhere in the reaches of my mind I feel her hot breath on my neck,and in that moment there is the nirvana of peace, and perfect happiness-if only for an instant. 

beliefs

So there are some pretty basic things  that I believe. And one of them is that you have to go into a new relationship with all of the innocence and vulnerability of the first time because if you carry the baggage of previous heartbreak with you you can never fully give yourself to that  person that full well might be your life mate. The lesson here kiddies is cut all that old shit that is eating you up like a cancer. Cut it the fuck loose, it will benefit you in the long run.Tough though it is.

so have you ever had one?

So I have one of those problems. There is this girl. There is always a girl Joe, you are saying...I can hear you people from here you see.And lets just say for the opening here that the situation is a complicated one. I will get into specifics at another stage.