sometheing, yet I don't know

Today has started off both unusual and yet completly without incident. I would give all of the money that I don't have to be able to proces this feelling that I have. It is both a feelling of urgency like I am  supposed to be doing something else and a feelling of impending doom. And yet both of them are for no reason and completly without merrit. I hope. I have not been sleeping very well and even when I do am plagued with bizarre and usually nightmarish dreams, perhaps this is where these new and certainly unwelcome feellings are raising thier head from.Do you remember dear reader being young and Saturday being your favorite day of the week because you could get up early and have your bowl of Fruit Loops,or what have you in front of the TV while the Saturday morning cartoons took you to all those places you wanted to go to so much, and when you were done if you wanted to you could usually sneak in a nap with your folks if they were not up yet themselves.God, I miss those days.Both the simplicity of them and the childlike innocence.

if only for an instant

  Till the death of night subsides. I cannot stop the sounds of loneliness, breaking and beating at the door. I Curl in on myself for the idea of touch.nothing sates me till the blessed blackness of sleep. And somewhere in the reaches of my mind I feel her hot breath on my neck,and in that moment there is the nirvana of peace, and perfect happiness-if only for an instant. 

beliefs

So there are some pretty basic things  that I believe. And one of them is that you have to go into a new relationship with all of the innocence and vulnerability of the first time because if you carry the baggage of previous heartbreak with you you can never fully give yourself to that  person that full well might be your life mate. The lesson here kiddies is cut all that old shit that is eating you up like a cancer. Cut it the fuck loose, it will benefit you in the long run.Tough though it is.

so have you ever had one?

So I have one of those problems. There is this girl. There is always a girl Joe, you are saying...I can hear you people from here you see.And lets just say for the opening here that the situation is a complicated one. I will get into specifics at another stage.